Qwertyuiop, WA /DenounceNewswire/ -- January 10, 1998 -- Microsoft Corporation today issued a muted public apology to the U.S. Department of Justice, stating that its use of "harsh language" and "threats" was unwarranted. However the company's making whining and growling noises as well as kicking and screaming, was warranted, for at least 90 days, the company argued.

William Nuke'em, brother of Duke Nuke'em, and chief litigious officer of Microsoft, said, in a statement, today, around 1 o'clock, Pacific Time, "We deny threatening that the DOJ would be 'toast'. What we said was that we would like to toast the fine staff of the DOJ at an upcoming banquet dinner."

William Gates, chief chief at Microsoft, could be, and in fact was, reached for comments, but his comments were so full of expletives that they could not be reprinted in a family newspaper. (However, since this is not a family newspaper, they could be reprinted, in theory. However, they would not actually be reprinted, since they'd never been printed before, as they were spoken directly to this newswire just hours ago. So in order to reprint Mr.Gates' comments they would have to first be printed. A decision to print the comments is currently under consideration.)

About Microsoft Corporation
Despised, hated, and loathed, Microsoft Corporation is to the computer industry what The Borg is to the Federation. Headquartered in Redmond, Washington, the company dominates and controls the entire world.

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