AOL SUCCESSFULLY CLONES USERS FROM SHEEP
Plans on using lemmings as well in future efforts
EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND /DenounceNewswire/
-- February 24, 1997 --
At a press conference outside a top-secret genetics laboratory,
America Online [NYSE: AOL] announced today it has successfully cloned
new subscribers from sheep.
In this proud Scottish city, whose motto has become "Where men are men,
and sheep are sheep are sheep are sheep...," the news that AOL has successfully
created users from sheep has thrilled Wall Street, which sent AOL's stock soaring
to a new high of 127 dollars per share. "This is a real breakthrough," says Indu
Strypundit, an industry pundit. "Who would have thought that sheep would turn out
to be so valuable to an online service?"
In related news, AOL genetic researchers announced another experiment that would
clone lemmings into AOL subscribers as well. "They're easier to control, and
they do whatever you tell them," said one researcher, who asked to be identified,
even begged at one point.
When asked why AOL chose sheep for its cloning efforts, instead of, say, humans,
Steve Case, Chairman of AOL, explained that they couldn't find any humans that
were interested in having their clones using AOL. "Sheep, on the other hand,"
Mr. Case continued, "appreciated the opportunity right away and have been 110%
supportive throughout the entire project."
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