Category: Hollywood

May 25, 2004

BitTorrent To Release Michael Moore's New Film Free of Charge

Movie Industry Stunned By Latest Moore Move

Dear DENOUNCE reader:
For the first time since DENOUNCE was created 24 years ago, I am interrupting this article to make sure readers understand that articles posted at DENOUNCE are not real: they're fake news, posted as satire, parody, humor, or plausible outcomes. Over the past 48 hours, links have been going out all over the world to people who are finding this story and treating it as if it were real. It's not. It was never published as being real.

I had hoped that traffic would die down and DENOUNCE could go back to its quiet 20000-pageviews-a-month routine, but this Moore article simply won't die, and link traffic is GROWING rather than shrinking.

So, in the interests of clarifying that this article is not and was never intended to be a hoax, I'm posting this disclaimer right at the top so you will see it. If you still don't see it, then go see an eye doctor.

Enjoy the rest of the site while you're here. This article in particular is one many have enjoyed.


Cannes, France /DenounceNewswire/ -- 24 May 2004 -- In a stunning move, controversial documentary filmmaker Michael Moore announced today that his latest film, "Fahrenheit 9/11", will be released by BitTorrent, the popular peer-to-peer file-sharing network.

"This film deserves the widest possible distribution," said Moore, whose film won the Palme D'Or award at the Cannes Film Festival this past weekend. "I had hoped I could achieve that with Miramax and Disney, but such was not to be the case. I'm thrilled to announce that I have an even better solution. BitTorrent!"

BitTorrent, written by programmer Bram Cohen, is a popular software application for trading movies, music, and television episodes over the Internet. BitTorrent differs from other peer-to-peer networks in that the program connects users to many different fragments of a digital file, only to be seamlessly pieced back together when the transfer is complete. The result is a much faster download and less clogging on the Internet.

"I'm very happy to be working with Michael on the release of this important documentary," said Cohen. "This is exactly the kind of thing BitTorrent was created for. I'm confident we're going to be able to reach more people faster than any conventional Hollywood distribution scheme. And it's going to cost a hell of a lot less than printing four thousand some odd prints of the film!"

The documentary, which contends that the Bush family has ties going back more than three decades with the Saudi royal family, leading to a questions about the Saudi involvement with 9/11, was originally bought by Miramax and Disney last year. Michael Eisner, head of Disney, announced recently that the company would not distribute the film due to is political content.

Cohen and Moore say that the film will be available through BitTorrent beginning July 3rd worldwide over the Internet. The film will be free.

Posted by denounce at 12:26 AM

November 05, 2003

Tech Billionaires Team Together to Buy Warner Brothers Film Studio

Group Plans to Hire New Scriptwriters, Director, and Re-Shoot The Matrix Revolutions Next Week

Hollywood, CA /DenounceNewswire/ -- 5 November 2003 -- In the most dramatic and expensive takeover in film industry history, a group of high-tech billionaires, including Bill Gates, Paul Allen, Steve Ballmer, Steve Jobs, Pierre Omidyar, and Larry Ellison, announced today the acquisition of the Warner Brothers film studio and film catalogue, as well as three other companies, with one stated purpose: to remake The Matrix Revolutions.

"We saw the film this morning," said Pierre Omidyar, founder and Chairman of eBay, "and it sucked. It sucked so bad, we had to do something about it."

"Hollywood just doesn't get it," said Steve Ballmer, Microsoft CEO. "A lousy Matrix movie will cost us billions in lost productivity, because our employees are so bummed out!"

"Apple likewise faces a serious setback because our employees are also upset with the way things turn out in Revolutions," added Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer.

Over an impromptu conference call this morning, the group of billionaires decided to immediately pool their money together and purchase Warner Brothers, NPV Entertainment, Silver Pictures, and Village Roadshow Pictures, the production companies reponsible for the film The Matrix Revolutions starring Keanu Reeves.

Andy and Larry Wachowski, the directors and writers of the Matrix trilogy, no longer own any rights to the films or scripts. In fact, the billionaire group, which calls itself "The Matrix Rescue Team", says it will hire other writers and a different director to remake the film. A new script is due Thursday, and production is slated to begin next Monday. "We work differently in the tech business," said Bill Gates. "We won't need years to get this new film out. We plan to have it out by Memorial Day."

The full cast, including Keanu Reeves, Carrie-Anne Moss, Laurence Fishburne, Hugo Weaving, Mary Alice, Ian Bliss, Helmut Bakaitis, Jada Pinkett Smith, Anthony Wong, Anthony Zerbe, and Lambert Wilson, have already agreed to remake the film with a new and improved script. "A script that doesn't suck," said Steve Ballmer.

In order to secure the cooperation of the full cast, each cast member will receive $100 million upon completion of filming. The entire project is slated to cost $25 billion, making it the most expensive movie in history.

"It's worth it," says Paul Allen. "We waited and waited for resolution in Revolutions and the Wachowskis failed to deliver. We're going to fix that. It's our new mission in life."

Posted by denounce at 12:51 PM

Copyright © 1996-2004 Birdrock Ventures. All rights reserved. No redistribution or copying without written permission from Birdrock Ventures. Denounce is a satire website specializing in false press releases that are meant to neither inform nor educate. If it makes you smile and think, we've done our job. Your mileage may vary. Do not read while operating a vehicle. Denounce,, Denounce Newswire, and "All the News That Never Happened" are trademarks of Birdrock Ventures.

Recognized around the world as the best source for completely fictional news and information.

When you're not looking for a reliable, accurate site for industry news, there's only one place to go: Denounce.

All fake. All the time.

About Us | Jobs |


Recent Entries