July 01, 2003
YAHOO RELISTS DENOUNCE.COM IN ITS DIRECTORY
Consumers Elated; Wall Street Thrilled, Stock Soars
Mountain View, CA /DenounceNewswire/ -- 1 July 2003 -- Yahoo, Inc., has re-listed Denounce Newswire, a site which in the past Yahoo had identified as a "Yahoo! Pick of the Day" as well as a site to which Yahoo had assigned the "cool" sunglasses icon, back in its online directory after a prolonged and unexplained disappearance.
Reaction was swift and positive in the international web community. Cheers could be heard across the world as humanity breathed a sigh of relief that the long, dark De-listing of Denounce was finally over. In a prepared statement, the White House congratulated Yahoo in what it called "undoing a great wrong" and wished Denounce and Yahoo luck in the future.
Wall Street reacted positively to the news as well, sending YHOO shares up by 12% in the first ten minutes of trading this morning.
"We realize now we made a terrible mistake by removing Denounce from its well-earned positions on our 'Humor > Computers and Internet' and 'Humor > Parody > News' directory listings," said Terry Semel, Chairman and CEO of Yahoo, Inc. "We've identified the person who had caused the web community such harm by removing Denounce from the Yahoo directory, and, well, let's just say that person has been removed from the directory listing of Yahoo employees."
Semel went on to admit that Yahoo's favoring of SatireWire, a latecomer blatant rip-off of the one and only Denounce.com, was a wrongheaded and hurtful strategy, adding, "Had I been Chairman and CEO when Yahoo pulled Denounce and added SatireWire, well, let's just say, heads would have rolled." Interestingly, the creator of SatireWire eventually was overcome with such intense guilt over copying Denounce, that he stopped writing new material for the site in 2002.
Plans for parades, fireworks, and other civic celebrations are now underway in cities across the world as the news of Denounce's triumphant return to Yahoo's directory disseminates far and wide. Film rights for Denounce's life story have already been bought by a major Hollywood studio, and a VH1 "Behind the Browser" documentary begins production next week.
Asked to comment on this recent turn of events, the editor and publisher of Denounce.com said, in a prepared statement, "We welcome Yahoo back into the family of Denounce supporters. We look forward to a long and mutually-beneficial relationship with Yahoo, and we join the rest of the world in celebrating this tremendous day. We do expect, however, Yahoo to give us our cool sunglasses icon back ASAP or there'll be hell to pay."
Posted by denounce at 12:57 PM
Copyright © 1996-2004 Birdrock Ventures. All rights reserved. No redistribution or copying without written permission from Birdrock Ventures. Denounce is a satire website specializing in false press releases that are meant to neither inform nor educate. If it makes you smile and think, we've done our job. Your mileage may vary. Do not read while operating a vehicle. Denounce, Denounce.com, Denounce Newswire, and "All the News That Never Happened" are trademarks of Birdrock Ventures.
Recognized around the world as the best source for completely fictional news and information.
When you're not looking for a reliable, accurate site for industry news, there's only one place to go: Denounce.
All fake. All the time.